I used to think that the future me would be more capable at handling any and all situations with an abundance of grace, ease, joy and worthiness.
The ability to be comfortable with my self with a capital S was a pixie dust wish made over and over.
Real Change, Lasting Change, life is over as you know it change, comes from every step AWAY from the domestication of the shoulda, woulda, couldas; each step away from, what will 'they' say. Whoever the hell 'they' are and away from agreements made that no longer serve the highest good.
But what does this look like?
One step, a crucial step in making lasting change for yourself is to stop Shoulding on yourself! "Oh, I should have gotten that all done", "I shouldn't have said that", "I should have thought about that".
Shoulding on yourself is like a scolding from yourself AND everyone in your life who ever scolded you in the past. Can you feel the constricting of your Spirit? The shame of being a child who "should have known better"? Instead of following the habits of our mind, let's invite in a new voice. The voice of a kind mentor.
When I would should myself for all the things I should have gotten done, I reframed and rephrased it in a voice that was kind, nonjudgmental and compassionate. "Yes, there are more things on the list to do, but you accomplished many things and that was your best and enough".
It seemed that I was especially fond of beating myself up over things that I said. The inner critic was loud and eager to tell me what I should have said or shouldn't have said. The inner critic gets quieter though the more you practice letting the kind mentor have the stage.
The kind mentor is the voice that is calming, reassuring and settling. The voice that allows us to be enough. Know that this is a practice. A practice in quieting the inner critic, who wants things to stay the same and doesn't want a new obsolete role. A practice in letting the kind mentor have more and more space, volume and in turn you will be able to have more acceptance for yourself.